The true memories are those, which unite us, which define us, which prove us that we are not alone and mostly we need to give and receive love. Sometimes we feel that the World is not on our side, but something life has taught me- at the end everything is going to be alright, if it is not, then it’s still not the end..
It was around 9:30 p.m., I was 19 and all alone on the street in Udaipur. Cars were rushing around me, totally chaotic, which is completely normal for India. To be honest, I was furious and the reason was not the leader of the organization’s behavior.(*read the 1st part of the article on https://feedyourhumanity.com/2013/07/22/575/ ), I was angry with myself, because I have let somebody ruin my internal equilibrium and make me feel so weak. Before going to India, everybody advised me not to go alone around the city, especially at night, because it is dangerous and there are many thieves. I think it was too late to think about this and the last thing I needed was to allow myself to be afraid. I stopped a random man on the street and asked him how can I reach the downtown. I was surprised that he asked me 15 Indian rupees to direct me. It was very dark but I was not afraid. I just told him that he is crazy and I find it very inappropriate to ask an unknown foreign girl who was lost, money in exchange for help. I even felt kind of sad, because one bad side of some people in India is that they always look for a way to make profit from the tourists and are asking or begging for money, which has turned into a huge business there. So, I crossed the street avoiding this stranger and after 200 meters the gates of a restaurant called 1559. I entered, because I thought I could find someone who can help me get back to the guesthouse. When I went there I decided to sit for a while and calm myself down, because I didn’t want the rest of family in the house to see me disappointed and desperate. When I sat in the bar in one of the smallest halls, I noticed a big table with 2-3 families having a dinner together, talking and laughing while their kids were playing around. Even though I cannot explain how awful, upset and unhappy I was feeling, this made me feel a bit more secure. I was a lost girl, alone in India, doing voluntary work and it was like I was betrayed by the person I trusted the most. I was so confused, thinking of my life choices, blaming myself because I felt like I have done something wrong. I didn’t know what to do, because I was afraid of the thought what would happen when I get back at the guesthouse. S.- the leader, was calling me and I ignored all of his calls and just wrote him a message that I was ok, and I will be back soon, because even after everything that has happened, I wouldn’t let myself to be disrespectful to him and his family. It has been an hour since I got there, but I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even notice that the families went home and there were only two men left on the table and they were staring at me. I felt ashamed, but they started talking to me very kindly and offered me a drink. I thanked them, but replied that I don’t drink alcohol. After a bit the waiter came to me and brought me a fresh juice. Then one of them introduced himself and his friend and told me they were doctors in Udaipur, and sat on bar near me. He was a surgeon and even though I was not in the mood for making friends with strangers, He managed to gain my trust very quickly. Nowadays I am very thankful, because he became my best friend. The only man I can trust almost as much as I trust my father. A man I find to be the most intelligent, thoughtful, funny and brilliant friend in the World. After this moment, believe it or not, he became a huge part of my life. He helped me a lot getting over the problems I had until this moment. He told me something very wise that I agree with – sometimes it is a good thing to be lost. Because only then, you can be careless and free to happy. He also told me that there is no direct connection between success and happiness – the only way to achieve both it to build them separately. It was getting very late and while I was asking the waiter to order a ricksha for me, S. entered the restaurant. He was probably looking for me or was waiting the whole time, knowing exactly where I was. That seemed to me even more disturbing. The doctors offered me to drive me home, but I refused and even though I was aware of the situation I decided to go back with S. I wish good night to the gentlemen and we left.
During the ride back home, I didn’t even say a word to S. I don’t know who was right and who was wrong in this situation and if I was the right person to judge it. The thing I do remember is that when we got home I locked myself in the room and called my very best friend – Ralitsa.
I was all in tears and hardly succeed to explain the situation. I felt week, very week and disappointed. The only thing I knew for sure was that I loved the kids I was helping in the center. Ralitsa was harsh with me and probably she had never seen me so insecure. She just told me that I must cheer up immediately and that I am one of the strongest person she has ever met and surely the most positive one, and if I want to follow my dreams and keep helping people all over the world I must not be afraid of anything, I must be a leader and not loose hope. Those words were like an injection of power and consciousness for me. Now is the moment to thank these friends of mine who helped me very much in this hard moment – doctor Kapil Sharda and Ralitsa Petrova. This situation made me more determined than ever and two days later, I found a small hotel to live in and moved out of the guest house. But more important I continued my work for the organization with the kids. Because they didn’t deserve anything to stopped me helping them. After all I loved and wanted to take care for them more than ever!