India 27. “I think we’re made up of all these different pieces and every time someone goes, you’re left with less of yourself.”

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Outside is raining,as if it is raining all life long. All my emotions are just flowing and I am feeling exhausted, but pure, purer than ever. Because I am in love. And if you are not – stop reading this, stop reading my articles, my blog, because if you are not in love, according to me – you must be dead. Tonight I realized that not only under the rain, we are all equal, because no matter who we are, or what we have done in our lives, we all get wet. I came to think that we are equal in front of love too. And “Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn’t be one of them.” True. I believe that when we are in love we must either be all in, or fold. No matter what we do we always will suffer if “the one” won’t say to us that he/she needs us, he/she wants us. And we will be up all night, waiting for these sacred words… The simple, but true power of life is that we actually carry inside of us all the people we meet during our life journey. Deeply in our heart we cannot forget none of the things that once have made us thrill. We cannot forget, not even for once, all of these memories, until we are alive.

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When we are looking back we can often see our love as totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because this is the only thing that gives a sense of our life experience, which keeps us actually still alive. Every one of us has his shoes full of steps on life journey, his hands full of contacts, and his eyes full of beautiful views. But the most incredible and fascinating thing is that no matter how many battles we have been trough and how many times our heart has terribly suffered, it has no limits and it keeps loving. And those people who are afraid to give their heart to someone are making a horrible mistake, because love is limitless. And if you give, you will always receive – sooner or later.

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In all the eastern religions, its great value has the Sanskrit doctrine “tat twam asi”- “You are it”, which states that everything that a man believes and everything he believes he accepts in his life are two inseparable things. To understand completely this division will mean to become enlightened. So what our mind believe – this is going to be our life path.

“As you sow, so shall you reap.”

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There were 2 days left until my experience as a teacher in India was over. After that, I was going on a journey around the state of Rajasthan and some other parts of India.

More than 6 months now, I am blogging almost about everything that happened there and now I want to make an appeal to you. The time has arrived. If you don’t start doing something that will make you truly happy, and that is also in help of your loved ones or less fortunate; if you don’t do it now, in this moment (today or at least this week), there is a high possibility that you will never will. Procrastination will let it out of you. Being in Udaipur, teaching lessons to the children, loving them, worrying about them, was one of the most difficult times in my life until this moment. But I was 19, probably a child and I did it. No matter what. I am young, still very young but I will do it 1000 times more if I know it will give me what I‘ve first received. But you should know, this magic is very tricky, because it can happen only ones. Even if you put your best efforts, every other time you could be better, wiser, more experienced, and more beneficial for the people you help. And if you are still young and pure, your satisfaction and feelings will be double, even triple. And this first real time, will boost your beliefs – the first time that you have really crossed the line of your comfort zone in your life. Think big, I would say, but also do big. If it is not now, time will take it away from you. I am telling you – it is a magic, and you need to experience it just once, to know exactly what I am talking about right now.

That pre-last day in the after school program in India, a girl called Bharty (whom I have always believed to be named Party – and always found it very funny and beautiful), came to me and asked me if she could leave earlier from the lessons for some family reasons. I told her that I will give her some homework so she could exercise at later, but I didn’t mentioned that maybe that was the last time we are going to see each other. I just gave her the best hug I was able to and wished her a nice family event. Then I smiled. She smiled back at me. I loved that moment. I didn’t want the kids to know that I was leaving soon. I don’t like saying goodbye, because you either give or you don’t. I will explain. When you have the pleasure to give all you have in your heart, there is no need to end it up with extra words. But when you are not involved enough, you always feel the need of long “good-byes” to compensate your absence while you were really there.

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I have always believed that people don’t like when other people are not happy, not smiling and I have always tried to be positive and showing happiness, no matter what. But I’ve realized that this is impossible. So I took the rest of that day only for me. And that night I decided I will cry. And I did it. I was crying because I was leaving these kids, that have become a huge part of my life and heart, on this completely different continent, I have visited for the first time. I was crying, not only because I was not going to be able to help them, having everyday classes, but also because I was tearing my life apart and was crying for every single piece that was once standing; I wouldn’t even let myself to think or feel it at the time, or say a word, but I was all in pain. I was crying for no reason, I was crying for all the reasons. But the next day when I woke up, with tears dried on my cheeks, I was having all the reasons to smile.

I am asking you to do the same tonight. Cry, be you, keep crying all day, all night, but once you stop you will have no other choice, but to smile and to continue to starve for life, starve for being helpful, starve to be happy. Smile. Artificially or not, I don’t care. Because that smile will bring beauty and peace on your face, a smile just like a flourishing flower. But don’t forget completely the last day of your self-pity, because those tears accomplished their mission to clean and fully renew your spirit.. And now they are no longer needed.

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